Gross Things

I remember as a teenager watching our neighbor Cindy wipe her daughter's nose with her hand.  At the time my stomach turned and I told her that was the grossest thing I'd ever seen. "Oh, well once you have kids you'll figure out its just part of the job," she replied.  Um, no thanks.

Several years ago I recall walking in Target with my cousin Mary and seeing her do the same thing to her son Adam.   By now I'd determined maybe it was just part of the job, but I didn't think I could handle it nearly as gracefully as Mary or Cindy had.

Fastforward to the last 24 hours, and I've now crossed over into a world that most would consider so much more disgusting than wiping noses without a tissue.

Gross things I've done in the last 24 hours:

1. Took a booger off my first son's hand because he sneezed it on himself-no tissue.
2. Held on to said booger so I could comfort said son as he threw up into toilet.
3. Cleaned vomit from 1 year-old son off my neck and hair.
4. Cleaned more vomit off my chest-shirt missing after number 3.
5. Cleaned puke off of cat bed.
6. Cleaned puke off of cat.
7. Used sweatshirt as bucket for curdled milk vomit.
8. Sat holding vomit and vomit-covered child until reinforcements arrived.

9. Cleared vomit-covered sheets off my bed.

10. Cleared vomit-covered towels off my bed.

11. Slept on pillow with vomit on it.
12. Cleaned diarrhea splatter off the toilet-my son's.
13. Cleaned diarrhea splatter off the toilet-????.
14. Cleaned diarrhea splatter off the toilet again-you get the picture.
15. Allowed myself to be covered in diarrhea by writhing, nauseous child fighting a diaper change.
16. Stayed covered to hold and comfort aforementioned child.
17. Sat in bathtub filled with puke-puke added after I was in it.
18. Cleaned chunking vomit from car seat straps and buckles.
19. Cleaned same vomit from car.
20. Used bare hand to dispose of box elder bug.
21. Used bare hand to pick up remnants of curdled milk vomit discovered on floor.

22. Used bare hands to catch projectile vomit trying to save clean sheets.
23. Rinsed puke bucket about 20 times by now.
24. Ate my breakfast while cleaning out bucket.

Is anyone still reading at this point?  I know.  No one needed to read that.  Well, I didn't need to live that either.  Okay, so I've definitely gotten over that grossness hump, and somehow I really am okay with it.  My stomach doesn't even tighten with queasiness anymore when I have to do all these things.

I don't know that I've really developed any sort of grace when dealing with gross things, but I'm sure at least one person without children has seen me do something without hesitation that he/she has sworn against doing in the future.  I survived today, but now what I'm really, really looking forward to is all the gross things I get to do over the next 24 years.