Lesson Applied

My family saw Jackie Robinson at the Minneapolis Children's Theatre last season.  The play conveyed Jackie's roadblocks entering Major League Baseball, and used a lot of bigoted language to stay true to the storied struggle.  My then six year-old Dane asked during intermission, "why does that kid keep saying boy like that to Jackie when he's a man and that kid is a kid?"

My sons heard a lot of words they hadn't heard before that night, and a lot of derogatory language that was confusing to them.  I knew before we went to the play that I should be prepared to talk about it afterward, and I was.  The theater parking lot had recently installed new pay machines, and, as a result, the lines to exit were long and so began our discussion.

During that season, Minnesotans were preparing to vote on legislation to define marriage as one man, one woman, and so there was plenty of propaganda on the topic-some of it spirited to say the least.  The mini-van waiting to exit ahead of us was covered in not just "pro-marriage," but also, anti-gay bumper stickers.  As I spoke to my boys, I wondered how the conversation in that car might be fundamentally different than the one we were having.  I also noticed my then eight year-old Jude reading all the text in front of him.  And then came his thoughtful questions.

"Hey, mom?  Do you think the way people used to discriminate against black people is the same way some people discriminate against gay people now?  Do you think those parents ahead of us realize that gay people are the same as everyone else?"  My husband knew what he'd see when he looked over at me.  Silent, proud tears.

I was careful to explain that racial discrimination wasn't exactly a "used to" although we've come a long way.  I told him I thought he nailed it though-a parallel that child's mind drew all on it's own.  Jude then starting listing for us all his friends with interracial parents, two dads, two moms, foreign-adopted, and even traditional families that were all pretty great.  He summarized his point by stating that we are all "different, but the same."

This was one of my best moments as a parent.  It reinforced to me that I'm getting it right more than I getting it wrong.

I believe education goes a long way in the path to tolerance.  I believe having empathy seals the deal.  I try to give my boys context when I'm making an important point about any life lesson.  I try to show them common threads between their experiences and those of others so they understand the importance of being open-minded and kind.  I believe empathy is the gift that grows your heart and mind.